hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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