dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
