i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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