We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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