Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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