Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What a dumb baby whore.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
