oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Boobs are out for the taking
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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