Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
