Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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