He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
