Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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