I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
