I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
