did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love you. Go after that dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
