She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
