I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
