are you still at the devil's house?
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
