Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
