they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
