You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
