Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
