You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
