I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
