just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
