Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
