he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
