my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
