she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
