Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
40s are totally the cure
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
