I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
