That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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