I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
