Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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