oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
