My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
