I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
