you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
