We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
