i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and she was petting her beer can
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
