Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
