I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Less talking, more tequila
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
