You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
