Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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