I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
