You can't motorboat a personality
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
