On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
