We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
