Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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