It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
