She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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