Too much gin, very little bucket
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
