So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's just like the Real World with babies
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
