Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
