Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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