i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
